Hello my dear readers! Hope you all had a wonderful Women's Day and great weekend...unfortunately Monday is right around the corner waiting for us and our sleepy heads. It happens.
Yesterday I've announced in my Instagram account that I was going to talk about friendships and happiness in my blog, so here I am trying to squeeze together my thoughts on these two and how good they work together, and of course, how we should act like to make them happen.
It's a weird feeling me writing about this because is not that I have the best friendships ever but maybe that's what makes it more interesting. Everyone knows one or two people in their life that never complain about their friends, like they would never judge, let's be honest ladies! We judge and a lot!
I came across these thoughts a little earlier this week thinking about the high expectations I used to have in my late teens on people and how I slowly realized that I will always be alone if I expect so much and always be unhappy about everything. At the same time it made me feel artificial inside.
I am one of those people that expect same given or more from someone else and it's not easy to get anything back today, unless you have your childhood friends with you. Maybe I am wrong. I remember being so frustrated and sad and angry on people back then, I remember building up expectations when I first got to meet someone, already painting us doing something together (guess it was something I thought both would like), having fun, going out, meet others, not clashing in any way. I was always picturing the perfect friends and how I wanted them to be. But isn't that fooling yourself?
Over the past years, being in university opened up my eyes about what people like to be nowadays. I got to know other generations and how they react to friendships nowadays and I got to learn what these people really want nowadays to stick together and what does it take to be BFF, as they call themselves.
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People come and go, just like the flow of a river, they continue their journey, never static. You need to be a rock on their way to make them stay and maybe not even then. There are so many people out there with great luck and awesome friendships, they know they'd going to be rescued anytime they need a pick up...but should I risk myself and claim that I believe there are more of the opposite people? That there are more people out there that are by themselves, trying to hang around a friendship they already know is not going to last or do any good to them...I like to see it as part of our culture nowadays, we have learnt to be
tolerant to eachother (which is great!) but also at some point being
superficial (which is great and not great, depending on the situation). This is the key to happiness in a friendship nowadays is,
understand your friend and accept him/her and don't go too deep in their flaws, you want to keep it on the surface, you don't want those great mistakes they've been doing to be on the scene, you don't even want to think about them. You don't want to be reminded on how many things you and your BFF do not agree on. Of course, these might be superficial or not, but to our heads they've become unconditionally superficial because our desire of having someone is greater than our values (at least for some)...we start to forget what we believe in but we remember it at times when we miss it, yet is not enough to face the reality and go to your friend and say who you really are. We all have secrets. Who is denying that? And we know that there are things we are not going to share not even with our beloved ones because we care about them and we wouldn't like them to get hurt.
But how to learn to be happy with all these little flaws, surviving your friendships and at the same time staying loyal to yourself and not forgetting your values? That's a real question there. I have figured out in the past years that if you expect from people to give you same things you have been giving to them, you will never be completely happy. We are different in this way and we will never give back what we've been giving away, at least that's how I understood it. I have learnt to expect less from people I've just met, to be superficial with them, and not expect big things coming up right a week after meeting them, no matter how bright the sky might look there are always chances to rain. I have learnt that if we know what we deserve, we're going to have it harder finding a perfect friendship, we need to ignore our pride a little bit and act like they are acting. Now, this might be difficult for someone like me, for instance. I am still expecting some things sometimes from people, unfortunately, and I cannot be that superficial neither ignore my pride sometimes nor forget about values. But this doesn't mean there are not people out there that cannot do this if they truly want someone to be their friend, and if they appreciate friendship a little more than own values, if they think friendship probably is going to save their values!
My story ends when I met so many people around me, yet no one didn't even try to make an effort for me, while I was giving out my best...I was expecting too much and I was being too honest, to them and to myself. What am I doing now? I keep away from group of friends. I focus on meeting new people that are similar to me and that might have high expectations, maybe that is the only way to not to clash with someone, surround yourself with someone you might appreciate, you might admire, and you might look at like at your own self. I believe in soul mates, and I believe there is someone for each of us. But try to imagine how difficult it might get to find that someone in this Earth. Maybe they're not even living in the same countries as us, who knows...
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The point here is,
do not give up on what you want and appreciate. One day you will grow up and you will realize how important is
staying true to ourselves and getting to know ourselves before getting to know someone. The most important tip to a happy and great friendship is to know yourself, your expectations, your ambitions, your dreams, your plans, your values...and then, you will see the same thing in your best friend, and that for sure, the person that you will look up at like at yourself, that's going to be your best friend.
Don't get too used to call everyone a best friend. Be picky enough and rethink the decisions you are making, you won't regret it over years, when you will realize how much time you spent with that someone that is not in your life now, because they discovered a flaw on you and they decided to leave. Eveyone has flaws, if your friend lets you know about his/hers, appreciate it, not many people nowadays have the courage to admit they are no perfect. If you have flaws, embrace them, you are
unique, just as many others, don't shout them out there, but...don't lie to what you consider your best friend. If he/she are the ones, they won't abandon you, they would keep you even closer, just because you had the guts to admit.
There are ups and downs, life is a rollercoaster, so friends are, sometimes they are there, sometimes they decide to leave, some they get here and might want to get to know you. Be open, love yourself and embrace yourself, get to know your inner better, and then...let the magic begin. This might be something more than just friendships, sociologically spoken,...maybe biology plays it role too. Who knows? But what I know is that at least once in our lifetime we will experience a great friendship and a bunch of failures. That's how life goes and not just for you, but for everyone! And the good thing about this is that we always gain something...experience, moments, knowledge...enjoy it and remember best friends a.k.a soul mates, exist.
Do you have BFFs? Have you ever thought more in depth about your friendship? How is it going? Be happy and enjoy every single day!
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